Monday, July 30, 2007

Of Pomo's Evangelical Friends!

The plight of the latest contingent of Postmodern 'victims' is such, that I will drop everything else: from the particulars of Postmodern language skills, to the third way Socialists' personal relationship with a viper's nest in the Balkans, and the question why the Germans cannot seem to shake the safety of collectivism, the lot!

The latest Postmodern (Pomo in Pomo lingo) cohort concerns a branch of American Evangelical Christians who describe themselves as Vanguard, Emergent or Emerging Church. Although they don't realize it yet, Submerging, is more like it!

I don't propose to go very deep into the matter. For one, I am no expert on Evangelism, American or otherwise. As far as Postmodernism is concerned, I have written about it ad nauseam and have already given it far more attention than this vile heap of devil's dung warrants.

I am usually merciless in the face of Pomo, considering:

- its origins: the Counter-Enlightenment movement, as exemplified by Rousseau, Nietzsche, Karl Marx c.s., etc.);

- the content: a Carnival of Fallacies! Subjectivism, Relativism, and by extension totalitarian tendencies as displayed by multiculturalism and political correctness;

- the aim: destruction of Western civilization in analogy with Rousseau's and Marx' 'narratives' of Oppressed versus The Great Oppressor, the latter personified by the archetypal "White Patriarch";

- the means: the self-proclaimed nobility of the end, literally justifies ANY, Any means, and that includes wars and terror, revolution and pestilence, but also destruction from within (the present is a typical example of that tactic).

Since however I am to understand that among these Emergents is a group of honestly misguided, good-willing Christians, let me address them in the appropriate fashion as made famous by C. of E. author C.S. Lewis, correspondence between two of Satan's scions, a letter from old Uncle Screwtape to his young nephew Wormwood, demon in waiting. I call my interlocutors, Uncle Pomo and Nephew Relativo.

Dear Relativo, dear boy,

I am so very proud of your surprising success in turning the tables on the Guys of the Other Side, so that some of their people are now working on our cause (see for example here, here and here), even if they don't know it yet. What a shocker that will be, once the penny drops that they're on our payroll!

It is so delightfully ironic that it's exactly His People you have been able to enlist with the help of our Unique Selling Propositions (USPs). The very delusion, that there isn't one set of Rules for everyone, no Right, no Wrong, Truth nor Lie, is of course the very opposite of what The Great Adversary and His Son have proclaimed, but as long as they don't realize the mutual exclusiveness of the two positions, we will have them working on our side!

I think we got them hooked when they became recalcitrant over all the science, technology and reason as promoted by the free-thinkers. Those years were tough going for us, as humanity got hold of all kinds of stuff that's good for them, from water-closets to vaccines.

Until I myself, as a young student, graduated on the idea of getting our Soviet servants to drop the idea in the West, that morality is outdated and that The Great Adversary is really The Great White Oppressor. From then on things started moving again. Enlisting the faithful was sheer brilliance on your part, Relatibble!

I must admit I've had my moments of doubt, when you allowed adversaries like Greg Koukl of Stand to Reason, In Plain Site's Todd Kappelman, and David Klinghoffer of the Claremont Institute to debunk our USPs: I nearly had a fit when that Koukl guy explained there are hardly any proper relativists, since you'd have to be an amoral sociopath to actually be one! We must safeguard our USP for Counter-Enlightenment Christians, for example the advantage of no longer having to deal with reason, but give free reign to basic instincts and emotions, what they perceive to be a postal service for messages from The Old Guy! For us there's the sheer beauty of bringing our agenda to the people, without having to conform to laws of nature as old drools like Aquenobnox ... Aquinas demanded - the oppressive regulations of nature that our Great Adversary in His Unmeasurable Wisdom has set out.

The subtle trick is to make them believe those laws are just for one group of people, and that other people live in another reality and have another set of natural rules and regulations. The satanic shrewdness of the plot lies in the infernal idea that our people believe, they're doing good to the whole of humanity: fighting for poor and oppressed groups against the all-powerful Great Advers ... White Oppressor, while in fact there is no such fight going on at all, the Old Man disgustingly loving all of these vile creatures equally; no matter what their contribution to our cause might have been, he'll forgive, if asked sincerely enough. But as long as our people believe they're in the Epic Struggle, and we can prolong this delightful confusion of ideas, we are on hot charcoal!

I am aware you are working on ways to convince also other groups of our USPs. I think you are right to work first on dulling the brain cells with daily bombardments on the exploits of victims that have gone before them: young, dumb, blond relativists who have already taken leave of their senses and are unable to distinguish right from wrong. It is not just the example that does the trick, as much as the ceaseless repetition that convinces the viewer this is the real state of affairs, and if he or she doesn't follow, they are out of the human loop.

Let me make you a recapitulation of the present progress with the following groups. I suggest you convince them for starters that our USPs aren't our agenda, but that it somehow is a trend, a Zeitgeist, a natural consequence of this stage of human development, and therefore unavoidable. Alternatively, pretend it's a historical period: the epoch after modernism, or something similarly vacuous. That'll keep 'em off the scent, and set us on the right course for years to come.

I'm sure you now see the virtues of the tactic to first enlist the intelligentsia, academics and especially the media who now serve as our faithful mouthpiece. Here goes:

- the business side of things: marketeers and consumers;

- forensic scientists: a measure of success;

- legal experts: proud of this one, promising field of operations! Here you see evidence that people side with us, even against their own better judgments, simply because they believe we may have solutions to problems they cannot solve! This one - so many years after the ascend of great uncle Kinsey - still labours under the oppressive social construct that pederasm is unnatural!

- amateur literary critics: not much joy there;

- bloggers: just a reminder, keep a watchful eye on the blegosphere;

- philosophers: who cares?

- theologians: keep working on that one!

- culture: faithful minions, safe-house;

- youth culture: here matters get real hot, as youth means the future; we must never forget to safeguard the next generation of relativists;

- parents and pedagogues: education is indoctrination, very important!

Keep up the evil work!
Your ever hating Uncle, Pomo.


Justin Halter said...

Brilliant, Cass, truly brilliant! To think that any Christians are contemplating a pomo gospel, ugghh... I think you expose that lunacy very well. To be a postmodern Christian by accident, well, that is one thing, a treatable condition. If they are doing it on purpose, at best, it falls under the category of "eating food sacrificed to the pagan gods." We can only hope such a dangerous operation gains more souls than it loses. At worst, it is truly, truly misguided.

Cassandra said...

Thanks Justin, I thought you might like it.

Anonymous said...

Hi Cassandra, I will read this post more carefully when I have a bit of a break. I've been teaching this last week from the anthology "Critics of the Enlightenment" from Chris Blum and ISI Books. I think you'd love it.

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